Secrets, Lies and a Baby
by MissDanielle
Summary: Garret and Renee haven't spoken to one another since she revealed her pregnancy three years ago. Now a sudden death forces them together again. COMPLETED!
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Crossing Jordan's characters, I just pretend.

Authors Note: This takes place after "What Happens in Vegas Dies in Boston"

Authors Note 2: Suspend what you know about how old Abby Macy is...I had to change it

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"It's not yours." No words had ever hurt him as much as those three. It wasn't his. Why should it matter? She wasn't his. Not then anyway. He had lost her. He hadn't fully accepted that fact until that day. He didn't want a baby. He didn't think she did either. But after that day, he wanted it to be his. He couldn't stand that it was someone else's. He couldn't stand that she was someone else's. So he turned everything off. He shut down. He shut her out. It was easier that way.

Likewise, she avoided his office. She sent her clerks to collect files from him instead of coming in person. She let her assistants prep him for trial. She had her secretary make all her calls to his offices. After that fateful day he didn't see her until after the baby had been born. They hadn't talked about it, but the morgue rumour mill kept him up to speed with what was happening. He heard it was a boy. He heard he was born premature. He heard called him Jake. He heard her ex-husband wanted nothing to do with it.

He bumped into her about six months later, after testifying in a sexual assault case. She had been prosecuting a murderer in an adjacent courtroom. They had been polite if nothing else. He could hardly look her in the eye, even though his heart ached for her. He felt like a fool. He shuffled his shoes, wished her well and walked away. After that, she came to the office every now and then but always for business. He convinced himself that she would never come to his offices for him again. But then one day she did and he had been more than surprised.

It had been almost three years since she told him about the baby, but there she was, six weeks ago, standing in his office, staring at the floor like scolded child.

"Hi, Renee," he said, recognizing right away that something was wrong. She nodded ever so slightly in greeting. "Sit down," he offered, anxious to break the tension. She sat on the sofa and after a time, got the courage to look up at him. He stared back at her. She looked awful. Her eyes had dark circles under them as if she hadn't slept in days. Her shoulders were slumped as if the weight of the world was resting on them. He had never seen her look like this before, it was as if all of her trademark confidence was gone. And although he had never seen her cry before, he could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"What's up?" he asked her finally. The sound of his voice scared her in a way it never had before. Her eyes darted to the floor again. It was killing him to see her like this. He got up from his desk and shut his office door, slowly making his way towards her. She looked at him with teary eyes as he sat beside her.

"I didn't know where else to go," she whispered. He took her hand in his own, knowing instinctually that she needed him to comfort her, even in the smallest of ways.

"What happened?" he asked tentatively, knowing that if he pushed too hard she'd close up again.

"My mom," she said, her voice threatening to give her pain away. "She's dead, Garret." She could barely choke out the last few syllables through her sobs. He pulled her into his chest and held her as tight as he dared. He didn't know what else he could do. He had barely spoken two words to her for three years, and now here she was, crying her heart out in his arms. When her tears subsided, she smiled a half smile, as if to convince him that she could be strong again.

"You want to tell me about it?" he asked after a time. And to his amazement, she opened herself up, in a way she never had when they had been together. She told him how her mom was in car accident earlier that morning. She had been at her mother's bedside all day long. And finally, a few hours earlier, her mother had given up fighting. Once her story was finished, Renee gave up a few more tears. They sat in the quiet stillness of his office for a long time. He didn't know what to say. He dealt with death and grief everyday, but at that moment, he had no idea how to console someone he cared about.

After what seemed like hours, he turned to her and asked about her son.

"Where's Jake?" he asked, immediately regretting the words. Jake's babysitter had been an issue of unspoken tension between the pair. Renee's mother watched him during the day while she was at work. But whenever, she needed a babysitter for the night or just a few hours, Renee called Abby. While Renee and Garret had been together, she had become close with his daughter. They enjoyed each other and Abby was glad for the extra pocket money she earned. Garret on the other hand was uncomfortable with the situation now that he and Renee had broken up. But, like many things in his and Renee's relationship, the issue remained unmentioned.

"Do you need a ride home?" he asked, changing the subject from their children.

"No," she said flatly; back to her old self. He walked her to her car. She thanked him and drove off.

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"Jake," Renee whispered, rubbing his back and kissing his tiny ear. "Jake, get up baby." His brown eyes fluttered open. It was early for him. His grandmother would have let him sleep for a few hours yet, but his grandmother wasn't there and wouldn't be again. Telling him about her mom was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She had it all worked out in her head. She sat him down and told him that his grandmother wasn't coming back. Even though she wasn't sure if I believed it, she told him about angels and heaven. She thought perhaps that idea would be easier for him to handle. She didn't think he understood. That made it easier for her. She was having a hard enough time with her own grief; she didn't think she could have handled his as well.

After the funeral she had to get back to work. She had to put Jake in daycare. Abby was in school, and she had no other family or friends to watch him during the day. She sat at a little desk filling out his registration papers. She left the 'father' section blank and wondered how many other mothers had done just the same. When she reached the 'emergency contact' section she stopped. Having no emergency contact for herself, she searched her mind for someone to put down on the paper for Jake. The week before she would have wrote her mother's information without hesitation. But now she had no one. She could feel the daycare woman's eyes on her. She stared at the form again and thought of all the people she knew. Who would she want the daycare to contact if, for some reason, they couldn't reach her? She knew of only one person. She scratched down Garret's name and contact information without a second thought. As she turned the papers over to the daycare woman, she thought about the emergency contact and silently hoped there would never been a need to call the numbers listed there.

She left Jake at the daycare that day. He was too involved with the other kids to even notice she left. She hated like hell to leave him with strangers, but what other choice did she have? She left him there the next day and the day after that. She left him there every work day for the next six weeks. She felt like an awful mother for doing it, because she knew everyday that she would be late picking him up. Jake knew he'd always be the last kid to leave. The daycare ladies knew it too. She saw it in their eyes when she arrived at six thirty instead of six o'clock. They had no idea. She never signed up to be a mom, but she knew that was no excuse. She hadn't expected to be pregnant. She had never especially wanted children. After Eddie, she always thought that if she could just be the best at her job that that would be enough. She wouldn't need anything else. But since having Jake, she could hardly imagine what she'd do without him.

It was when she first found out that she was pregnant, that Renee started to turn away from Garret. She didn't want to, but didn't know what else to do. After the Mulden case fiasco and her unfortunate interruption of Garret's kiss with a certain grief counsellor, they had stepped back from each other, even though neither especially wanted to. Then one night she ran into Eddie. She couldn't even remember how it happened, but it did. She had betrayed Garret in the worst possible way. After that she couldn't even bare to talk to him. She didn't want to hurt him. When she found that was having Jake, her world stopped. She had to tell him Garret about what happened with Eddie. She couldn't keep her swelling belly a secret for very long. And to add insult to injury she had to tell him the baby wasn't his. He was so mad. She didn't know what she'd expected his reaction to be. She just knew it wouldn't be good. He yelled at her. That was nothing new. They'd yelled at each other more times than either could count. But he looked at her that day in a way he had never looked at her before. As if he was disappointed in her. As if he hated her. She had to get out. She didn't go back to work that afternoon. She went home and cried for the first time in years. She blamed her tears on her pregnancy, but knew that that had nothing to do with it.


	2. Chapter Two

"Good morning Mrs. Ramsey," Garret smiled as he left his apartment building. The sun was bursting through the clouds so he left his car in its space, deciding instead to walk to work. It was good distance away, but on a morning like this, he didn't mind in the least. Walking would give him time to think. He didn't especially want to think about the things clouding his mind, but nonetheless, Renee and her son had been on his mind for the last six weeks. Since she'd come crying to him the night her mother died. Of all the people she knew, why had she come to him? This question had plagued him since she'd driven off that night. After years of virtually no contact, she had come to him. What did that mean? In the simplest sense, Garret thought, it meant she had made enemies of every other person she had ever met and truly had no where else to turn. But, for her sake, he hoped this wasn't true. When he'd seen her that night, his heart stopped. Feelings he thought he had dealt with long ago came bubbling up to the surface, and as much as he had tried in the past six weeks, he was powerless to bury them again. He wracked his brain, trying to determine if his feelings were real and if perhaps Renee had the same feelings for him. As he walked, he scolded himself for being such a damn fool. It was ridiculous to think that things could ever go back to the way they were. She had another man's baby; nothing could ever be the same.

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Jake finally pulled himself out of bed.

"Mom?" he called.

"Yeah baby?" Renee called back.

"Where's my cereal?" he asked coming into the bathroom where she was putting her make-up.

"Kitchen table," she laughed, "where else?" He sometimes asked ridiculous questions when he was sleepy, the way his father always did. He turned away from her to find his cereal and she was silently glad that had left her alone. She hated it when he stared at her the way he did that morning. He had the same chocolate eyes as his father, and when she looked into them, all she could see was his father staring back.

She finished in the bathroom and joined Jake at the kitchen table, with her second coffee of the morning.

"Guess where I'm going today?" she said, reaching across the table and wiping milk off his chin.

"Where?" he asked, although he was obviously uninterested.

"I'm going to lunch with a friend of yours…" she said coyly, trying to get him to guess who she was going to see.

"Who?" he asked, staring into his breakfast.

"Abby." Jake was suddenly all ears. He adored Abby and always excited when he knew she was coming over.

"Can I come?" he asked.

"No way." Renee laughed.

"C'mon mom."

"Tell ya what," she reasoned, "you be good all week, and I'll see if Abby wants to come over on Friday." He sighed dramatically as he moved to brush his teeth. "Deal?" she asked.

"Deal," he called form the bathroom.

Abby and Renee had lunch every couple of weeks. She liked the girl and even though seeing Abby reminded her of Garret and how they had left things, it was nice to have someone to talk to other than Jake. They kept these luncheons a secret from her father. It wasn't that they were uncomfortable, with it; it was just that they knew he would be. Renee was always a bit selfish at these lunches. She used them to inquire about Garret. She didn't pry in any overt way. In the same breath that she would ask after Maggie, she would ask Abby how her father was doing. She was never certain of what she expected Abby say. Whether it was that her father had moved on to some leggy blonde or that he spent his nights pining for her. She wasn't sure which scenario she wanted.

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"Jordan," Garret called as she passed his office. Jordan popped her head through the open door.

"What?" she asked impatiently. He held a file up for her to see.

"You order a CT for Mr. Yamagoshi?" Jordan looked at the floor before answering him.

"Yeah," she said without offering and explanation.

"What for?" Garret asked with more harshness than was absolutely necessary. "He was supposed to have a standard autopsy."

"While I don't think he died a standard death, okay?"

"Not okay," he told her. "If you're going to order expensive tests for open and shut cases, you clear it with me before, not after. Got it?" She saluted him as if he were a sergeant in the army.

"Yes Sir," she laughed and left him alone with the ever growing mountain of files on his desk.

It was getting close to seven o'clock. He'd been in at six that morning and had no intention of leaving anytime soon. It wasn't as if he had anything to go home to. It was just him; everyday in his lonely apartment.

Some two hours later, Lily came into his office.

"Good night, Dr. Macy," she said quietly.

"See ya tomorrow Lily." he said without looking up. She lingered in front of his desk for a moment longer.

"You know, what Dr. Macy?" she asked. "You should go home. You've been working really hard lately and, to be honest, you're not looking so good. You look like you could use a break." She was absolutely right, but Garret wasn't about to admit it.

"Thanks, Lily, but I'm fine. I promise," he lied. He hadn't slept properly in days. Working was the only thing that was keeping him sane since Renee had been to see him.

"Well, good night then, Garret," she said again.

"Good night Lily." As she turned and left his office, the phone on his desk rang. Its sound piercing his sleep deprived brain like a needle.

"Macy," he announced into the receiver.

"Dr. Macy," said a shy voice on the other end of the line, "my name is Patty Davis. I run the Rainbow Daycare Center."

"Yes," Garret said slowly, not having the slightest idea of where this conversation might be leading.

"I have a Jake Wallcot here," she continued. The name hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew instantly that something was wrong. "His mother, Renee, listed you as an emergency contact." The call was starting to make sense now. "As you probably know, Dr. Macy, it's getting rather late. Ms. Wallcot is sometimes late picking up Jake, but never this late. We have called her at all the numbers she gave us and talked to someone at her office, but no one knows where she is." Garret's heart stopped for a protracted second. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. Patty Davis just kept talking. "Dr. Macy, I'm going to need you to come down here and pick up Jake," she said, finally getting to the point of her call.

Suddenly he was propelled into action. He got quick directions from Patty and ran to his car. He drove like a madman to the daycare center. The whole time he was on his cell phone, calling every number he could think of that might lead him to Renee.

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When Garret got to the daycare center, a tiny little boy and a heavyset woman were standing in the window. Patty Davis introduced herself and placed Jake's hand in Garret's. Little did she know, he had never seen this child before in his life. He knelt down before the boy.

"Hey, buddy," he said quietly, "I'm going to take you home, okay?" Jake nodded his head. Garret had thought that perhaps he would put up a fight. But he seemed okay with going home with a stranger. Garret put him in the backseat of his car. He worried that he didn't have a car seat for him. He drove carefully, with such precious cargo on board. He looked back at Jake often, and every time, found that he was staring back, as if he knew something Garret didn't. He flipped on the radio. The news was just starting. The reporter had a high, whiny voice, but something in it compelled Garret listen to her report.

"And now more on the hostage situation at a downtown restaurant," she said, "an armed gunman has been holding about twenty restaurant patrons and staff inside Venchenzo's, an Italian restaurant on Fourth Avenue. We have been told that the gunman, a disgruntled former employee, entered the restaurant at about twelve thirty this afternoon and demanded his job back. We have learned that the gunman is refusing to let people out of the building until all his demands are met. It is unclear just what those demands are right now, but we have received unconfirmed reports that one or more of the hostages may have been injured or killed. Stay tuned for more as this story develops."

Garret knew then why Jake was in the back of his car. Renee was in that restaurant. It was her favourite. He had been right in thinking something was wrong, but he had never imagined it would be this bad. He had to get down there. He had to do something.

Garret took Jake to the morgue. He knew it was no place for a child, but he had nowhere else to leave him.

"Nigel, this is Jake," Garret said, placing the boy on the edge of his desk.

"Hi, Jake," Nigel said, taking an immediate shine to the boy, as Garret knew he would.

"You been listening to the news?" he asked.

"No."

"Hostage situation downtown," Garret explained, "I think R-E-N-E-E might be there," he said, spelling out her name so Jake wouldn't worry about his mother. Finally, Nigel made the connection. He looked at Jake and then back at Garret. He pointed at Jake.

"This is…"

"Yeah, I gotta go down there Nige, will you watch him?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, go," Nigel stammered, "go, do what you need to."

"Thanks, Nigel."


	3. Chapter Three

Finally, they were set free. The gunman had relented after negotiating with the police for almost seven hours. Abby and Renee were two of the last to leave the building. Abby clutched Renee's hand, her fingernails threatening to pierce the skin on Renee's palm. Abby's make up had left black streaks where her tears had carried mascara down her face. Renee leaned close to her and told her everything was fine; that she would be okay. As they stepped onto the lawn of the restaurant they were greeted by an officer of the Boston Police Department. He asked them a few questions and made sure they needed no medical attention. After jotting down their names and contact information, he let them go. Still hand in hand, Renee led Abby to her car. They were half way there when a familiar figure ducked under the police line and asked the first police officer he saw what was happening. Renee, noticed him first and for a split second, she thought Garret might be there for her. That thought left her quickly as Abby dropped her hand and charged towards her father. He scooped her into his arms and she burst into tears again as she tried to tell him what had happened. Renee cautiously approached them. Garret was so worried about his daughter that he hardly noticed Renee beside him.

"Where's Jake?" she asked anxiously. Garret turned to Renee. She was careful not to let him see how sick she felt over the whole ordeal.

"He's with Nigel."

"At the morgue?"

"Yeah," Garret said quietly, his shaking daughter tucked under his arm, "do you need a ride?" Renee held up her cars keys as evidence.

"I've got my car, thanks." Before turning to leave, she reached out for Abby. She squeezed the girl's hand in her own. "We'll do lunch another day, kiddo,"

Renee found her car amongst a sea of police vehicles. Luckily she had just enough room to manoeuvre between them and be on her way.

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It was getting late and all she wanted to do was sleep until next week. But she couldn't. She had things to take care of first. She was a mom and even after a day like the one she'd had, her responsibilities as a parent came before everything else. She had never felt her role as mother as strongly as she had today. Trapped inside that little restaurant, with her life in the hands of a crazy man with a gun, all Renee could think about was her son. She wracked her brain with thoughts of what would happen to him if anything happened to her. She replayed her son's short life in her head as she prepared his lunch for the following day.

It had been just the two of them since the day he was born. Of course, her mother, until recently, had been a staple in their lives, but for the most part, their worlds revolved around each other. She'd brought him home from the hospital and was petrified. Her mom was around to teach her, but Renee was terrified of her ability as mother. She called him Jacob Walker Wallcot; Jacob, because she had always liked the name and Walker after her father. She went back to work quickly. As a single mom, she couldn't afford to stay out of the courtroom for very long. She worked her hardest to provide for him, but in everything she did, she always felt like she was coming up short. With no father figure, there would always be something missing in Jake's life. This fact weighed heavily on Renee's mind as she wrapped Jake's sandwich in plastic and slid it into his lunch box. Zipping it up, she smiled at the friendly image of Bob the Builder staring back at her. She had never thought that cartoons would be an important part of her life.

As she slid Bob the Builder into the refrigerator she heard a shy knock on her apartment door. She walked slowly towards the sound, not knowing who to expect at such an unsociable hour of the morning. She peered through the peephole and drew a ragged breath. It was Garret. Renee opened the door cautiously and smiled politely as if he were a salesman catching her in the middle of her supper.

"What are you dong here?" she asked, not intending to be rude, but sounding that way nonetheless. Garret shuffled his feet, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Sorry," he said, "I'm sorry, I should go. It's late. I didn't mean to bother you. Sorry," he stammered, turning to leave.

"It's okay, come in," Renee said, smiling at his incessant apologies and excuses, "did you want something?" she asked. Garret slowly entered the dark stillness of Renee's apartment.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm fine," Renee nodded, her lips pressed into a harsh line. "How's Abby?"

"She's alright. A bit shaken up. She's with Maggie," Garret was quiet for a moment. "She said you were great in there." Renee tried to brush off what she had done as something anyone would have, but Garret wouldn't let her. "No, she said you were right with her the whole time. She said she would have been really scared if you hadn't of been there. She said you were really calm and level headed while everyone was going nuts." Renee breathed a light laugh through her nose.

"Well, someone had to be," she smiled. Silence again separated them. Talking used to be so easy, but now Renee had to fight to find the right words to say to a man who at this moment seemed familiar and foreign all at once. "Do you want a drink or something?" she asked finally.

"Yeah, sure." Renee led him into her dimly lit kitchen. She reached for a bottle and poured two fingers of scotch for Garret and three for herself. As she passed him a glass their hands touched slightly. She silently cursed her self for blushing like a school girl at the touch of his hand, thankful that the darkness of the kitchen was enough to conceal her embarrassment. He was standing close to her, but Renee made no attempt to increase their distance. After a day like today, she was glad to feel the safety of his presence.

"I wanted to thank you for getting Jake for me today," she said after a time.

"No problem. He's a great kid," Garret said earnestly. Renee smiled a proud smile. She would never tire of hearing people compliment her son. It made her feel like there was at least one thing in her life that she had done right. "I know that since your mom's been gone," Garret continued, "it must be hard for you to be working and taking care of him all on your own."

"We get by alright," Renee said quietly.

"Well, if you ever need anything, I'm always here, okay," Garret said, looking into her eyes to make sure she knew he meant what he'd said.

"Thank-you, Garret."

By now Garret had drained the last drop of colour from his glass. He sighed and set it lightly on the counter.

"I guess I'd better get going," he said quietly as he turned and headed for the door. Renee followed a few paces behind him. As he reached for the door knob she called his name in a voice just short of a whisper. He turned and found her staring at the floor, avoiding his eyes. "Yeah?" he asked. She looked up slowly.

"I was just," she started, her hands massaging one another nervously, "I was just wondering if you could do me a favour."

"Name it," he said a little too quickly.

"Will you stay here tonight?" she asked. "It's just, I'm not really keen on being here by myself, after today, you know?" Renee shrugged but Garret needed no explanation. He was more than willing to stay.

"Sure," he said quietly, "gimme a pillow and I'll hit the couch." Renee laughed nervously.

"That couch sucks. Take my room and I'll sleep with Jake," she offered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah,"

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Renee lay beside her son in the dark, her breath keeping rhythm with his as she tried to force herself to sleep. Her mind was moving fast and she couldn't turn it off. She just kept thinking about the day she'd had and about the man that was in her bed at that very moment. And although she tried, she couldn't stop herself from going to him. It was almost three in the morning and she had assumed he would be asleep. She leaned against the door frame and looked in on him. Everything was the same as it was three years ago. He was on his side of her bed. He lay on his side, his face pointed toward the door. He had one leg inside the blankets and one leg outside. She stifled a laughed as she remembered a time when she was welcome to stare as she did right now. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard him speak.

"What's up?" he asked groggily. Suddenly Renee was serious again. She walked carefully into her bedroom, stopping just a few inches short of where Garret lay. She sighed and looked down at him and smiled a sad smile.

"I just needed to be next to you," she whispered. Without a word, Garret shifted his body, making room for her between the covers. She lay on her back beside him and his face hung over hers. He pulled the blankets to her middle, letting his hand slide across her stomach. He felt her skin contract at his touch.

"I missed you," Renee admitted quietly. She placed a hand on his face as she searched his eyes, looking for something she could hold on to, looking for all that she had lost three years ago. But before she could find the certainty she needed, Garret leaned in and kissed her. He kissed her as if it were the first time he'd ever touched her, tentative and nervous. As he deepened the kiss, both Renee and Garret entered a place they recognized. The familiarity of his mouth on hers came flooding back to Renee with mind numbing force. Although she knew she would regret it in the morning, she let Garret make her feel what it was like to be a woman again. She had been with no man in three years and in that moment, her body ached for him.

He made love to her slowly and silently, rediscovering all the places he had missed for so long and never dreamed he'd touch again. As he moved over her delicate body he saw a flash of something in her eyes. Something he recognized, but couldn't name. It looked almost like fear. He silently wondered why she would fear this moment and could come to no obvious conclusion. He pushed the thought out of his mind as she drew his face towards hers again. Now, Garret could see her feelings written all over her face. She trembled, petrified to give herself up to him again. She opened her mouth ever so slightly as if to voice her apprehension, but Garret quickly calmed her, pressing his lips to hers. And that was all she needed. To know that he understood. To know that he cared. To know that she was safe.


	4. Chapter Four

Garret woke up as the sun began to pour through the uncovered windows of Renee's bedroom. The sun warmed him, but he was immediately aware of the cold emptiness that filled the space beside him. Brushing the cobwebs of sleep from his mind he got up and dressed quickly. Renee's absence from the bed that morning meant one thing only, and although he hated like hell to admit it, he knew it was nevertheless true. She regretted what happened the night before. Once dressed, he located his keys and made his way to Renee's quiet kitchen. She was at the counter with her back to him. She was dressed and by all appearances ready to go to work. As she turned to put her son's breakfast on the table, she saw him.

"Where's the coffee?" he asked.

"Same place as always," she said quietly. She watched him pour black coffee into a mug he had always used at her apartment. "You should probably go. I don't want you here when Jake gets up." Garret had expected this. Nothing had changed because of their night together.

"I'm going," he said, heading to the door. "I'll see ya Renee." She followed him to the door and closed it quietly behind him. She sighed, running her hand nervously through her hair. Her stomach was doing flip flops, not because she regretted what she had done the night before, but because she didn't.

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Later that afternoon Garret sat in his office staring at a never ending stack of reports that were waiting for his signature. He was nursing is third coffee from the same mug he had taken from Renee's that morning. He just couldn't get started today. The events of the day before were torturing his sleep deprived mind. Not only had he spent the night with his former lover, he had almost lost his daughter to an angry waiter. He picked up the phone and dialled a familiar number. She picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby,"

"Hi, Dad," Abby said. Garret smiled at the sound of her voice. He had called her twice already today to make sure she was alright. "Before you ask, I'm fine," she sighed, "Mom has called me like a million times. I'm fine okay?" Garret laughed but inwardly hated the fact that his daughter didn't need him to check up on her.

"Alright," he relented, "I'll let you get to class."

"Dad?" Abby asked quickly, before her father hung up.

"Yeah?"

"Did you talk to Renee?" Garrett's heart skipped a beat; they had done more than talk.

"Yeah," he answered tentatively.

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Garret smiled, "she asked after you. Call her later. I'm sure she'll want to talk to you."

"Yeah, I will. Okay, I gotta get to math; I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Sure,"

"Okay, Love ya Dad,"

"Love you too," Garret smiled and hung up the phone. He was satisfied for the moment that his daughter was safe and decided that now, he could commit himself totally to his paperwork. He picked up the first file and signed on all the required dotted lines, without bothering to read what he was autographing. The forms were the same everyday. He could probably recite each one by heart.

Garret had ploughed through half the stack of fileswhen the ringing telephone jarred his focus. Surprised at the sound after such a long silence, he tore his glasses off his face and barked into the receiver as it finished its first ring.

"Macy," he announced.

"Garret, it's me," said a familiar voice.

"What can I do for you Renee?" he asked, taking extreme caution to make sure everything he said remained strictly professional.

"I need to talk to you," Garret could detect a slight uneasiness in her voice. To anyone else, Renee's tone would have seemed ordinary, but Garret new better. She was missing some of her usual harshness, and he was anxious to find out why.

"Go ahead," he pushed.

"I don't want to do this on the phone," she reasoned.

"Then why did you call me?" Garret asked sarcastically. Renee sighed into the phone, taking her time to respond.

"Abby is babysitting for me tomorrow night. Can you meet me at the coffee shop around the corner from my building?"

"Yeah," Garret said simply. He took no time to glance at his date book or ask what time. It didn't matter.

"8:00?" she asked.

"Sure." Once Garret confirmed that he would meet her, Renee regained the chilly tone she had been missing earlier.

"Fine," she said flatly, "I'll see you then," she placed the receiver back in it's cradle without a good-bye, leaving Garret to wonder what she had in store for him the following night. Garret raked the thought over in his head for an hour, finally deciding at six o'clock that he would never finish the reports today, so there was no use in torturing himself with them. He slid on his jacket, locked his office and headed for home.

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The following morning Renee woke up and made a mental note of her goals for the day. She was to be in court at nine o'clock, prosecuting, yet another murderer. She expected to present her closing arguments by about ten-thirty and if all went well, the jury would be sent to deliberate before noon. That gave her the rest of the afternoon to sort out just how she would tell Garret everything she needed to. She needed a plan. She needed to order her revelations in such away that would keep Garret from storming out of the coffee shop before she had finished. As she made her way quietly to the shower she noticed that for the second morning in a row that her stomach was doing somersaults. She mentally scolded herself for letting Garret Macy make her feel like a nervous teenager on her first date.

Standing in the shower letting the water wash over her tense muscles, she heard Jake enter the bathroom to use the toilet.

"Mornin' buddy," she called. He only grunted in response. She went back to washing her hair and lost herself in thoughts of what the day would bring. She had forgotten Jake was even in the room, until she heard him reach to flush the toilet. "No, Jake! Don't!" she yelled, but it was too late. She screamed, and jumped out of the way of the spray. The water pelted against her and her entire body clenched.

"Sorry mom," Jake said quietly.

"It's okay," she said, turning off the water, immediately feeling guilty for yelling at him. "Can you hand me a towel?" Jake did as he was asked and then perched himself on the end of his mother's bed. Renee dried herself and wrapped the towel around her slender frame and joined her son in her bedroom. Jake watched her as she picked through her closet. She noticed how strangely quiet he was this morning.

"Mom," he said finally.

"Uh-huh?"

"Who was that man?" he asked, pulling at thread in his pyjamas. Renee's heart stopped.

"What man?" she asked.

"Yesterday, when I woke up. I heard him talking to you." Renee sat down beside Jake. There were so many ways to answerhis question and she needed to find the right one.

"Do you remember the man you picked you up from daycare the other day?" she asked. He shook his head yes. "Well, he and I used to work together sometimes and he just came over to say hello to me," she lied.

"Why didn't you pick me up? I waited a really long time," Jake said sadly. Renee sighed. The truth about her ordeal was too much for such a small child. She would have to tell him another lie.

"I was at work Jake, and you know that sometimes I have to stay late when I'm talking to the judge, right?" Jake shook his head. There had been many nights, when in fact, Renee had been forced to stay in court later than she wanted to, but on those occasions her mother was always there for Jake. Jake had never had a stranger take care of him before, and Renee could understand the worry that was troubling the boy. "I called Garret, because I knew that he would take good care of you while I was with the judge," she said finally. Jake seemed satisfied with this explanation and slid of the bed in search of his Cheerios.


	5. Chapter Five

Garret stopped his car in front Renee's building and turned to his daughter.

"Call me when you need me to pick you up," he instructed, waiting for her to exit his vehicle.

"Dad, do you think I'm stupid?" Abby asked frankly.

"What?"

"I know you're going out with Renee tonight," Garret was stunned. It wasn't as if this meeting was a state secret, but he nonetheless didn't want to give Abby any wrong impressions about his relationship with Renee.

"How'd you know?" He asked innocently. Abby reached out and placed a patronizing hand on her father's shoulder.

"Dad, I'm eighteen. I know everything," she joked. Garret laughed. She was right; everyday he was shocked that his daughter knew more than he did.

"Get outta here," he said, playfully swatting her hand away. Abby leaned across the car and kissed Garret's whiskered cheek.

"Good luck," she smiled and left him alone.

Garret did as he'd been asked. He drove his car around the corner and parked in front of the coffee shop. He waited a long time for Renee to arrive. Or a least it felt like a long time. He gave up looking at his watch as it only served to make him increasingly anxious. Instead he looked around the room, searching the faces in case perhaps Renee had slipped in without him noticing. There were three men in business suits in one corner. They talked in hushed tones and sipped elaborate coffee drinks with names Garret probably couldn't pronounce. A young girl about Abby's age, surrounded in warm lights and coffee beans, wiped down the counter in front of her. She glanced up and immediately noticed Garret looking at her. She held up a steaming black pot as an offer of another coffee. Garret raised his palm ever so slightly from the table and shook his head, no. He had barely touched the coffee in from him. He didn't want it, but had ordered it to keep himself busy as he waited. It wasn't working. Sitting by the window he could feel the September chill, trying to get through. He pulled his jacket around himself a little tighter and sighed, wondering what was taking Renee so long to walk around the corner. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind did he hear the piercing click of high heels on a tile floor. He looked up and there she was standing before, him. Her hair was down and by all appearances she had just come from work. He stood to greet her and he noticed that something was different. She was different. She sat down across from him and watched as she twisted her hands around her fingers as if she were trying to warm them.

"You want a coffee?" Garret offered.

"No," Renee said quickly, "I just want to get this over with." Garret sighed. He still had no idea what this meeting was about, but rather than tell him, Renee stared down at the table for a few seconds longer.

"Are you going to tell me what's up or am I going to have to guess?" Garret asked impatiently. Renee finally looked up and met Garret's eyes.

"I had this whole speech planed out," she said with a nervous laugh, "but I think if I say it, I might throw up before I get to the important part, so I'm just going to come out and say it, okay?" Garret nodded, suddenly worried that what Renee had to say might hurt him as much as it was obviously torturing her. "Okay, here's the thing," she said cautiously, "you're Jake's father." Garret's heart skipped a beat. For a moment all he could hear was the rush of blood to his brain. He felt light headed and dizzy and absolutely bewildered.

"Excuse me?" he asked, making sure he had heard her correctly.

"Jake's yours Garret," Renee said quietly. Her voice had regained its usual confidence now that her secret had been revealed. Garret stuttered, still trying to make sense of what she had said.

"B-b-But you said, you said that- your ex husband, you said," Renee, cut him off before he finished. She knew what he was talking about even though he couldn't articulate it.

"At first I thought it was his. And with the dates my doctor gave me, it made sense that it was Eddie's. But then I went in to labour two weeks early. Except, I knew it wasn't early. Jake was right on time. My doctor was wrong. Two weeks earlier meant Jake was yours. I just knew it. And when I saw him…that was it. I was sure. He looks so much like you that sometimes…"

"So I've had a son for three years," Garret interrupted, finally putting the pieces of the story together. His voice rose steadily as he spoke, "and it never crossed your mind that I might like to know."

"I couldn't tell you," Renee said quietly, her eyes, again finding purchase on the cracked white of the table. "You were so mad at me and I had hurt you so bad by sleeping with Eddie." Garret laughed a shallow laugh through his nose.

"Don't flatter yourself Renee," Garret said, angrily now, "we were done before, Eddie, and you know it." Renee sighed, choosing to ignore his hostility.

"Anyways," she said, "the longer I left it, the harder it was for me to tell you."

"So why are you telling me now?"

"I need your help," Renee said earnestly, "since my mom's been gone, I can't work and take care of him on my own. I pick him up late everyday and I can't be there for him as much as he needs. I can't leave my job…"

Garret interrupted her with a snap, "What so, you want money or something?"

"Garret I don't want your money. He needs his father. He needs to have you there."

Garret had yet to look Renee in the eye since she made her revelation. She reached out for him, to make sure she was getting through to him. As soon her fingers touched his he jerked his hand away. He felt like he was going to jump out of his own skin. Everything suddenly felt foreign to him. He didn't know who he was. He had had a son for three years and he had no idea. He didn't know the woman sitting across from him. She had lied to him and the Renee he knew would never keep a secret this big. His brain throbbed in his head and his heart was doing somersaults in the pit of his stomach.

"I gotta go Renee," he said suddenly, "I gotta go." He threw down a few bills on the table to cover his still untouched coffee and walked out of the coffee shop. He was dizzy and he couldn't see properly, but he somehow made it to his car. Slamming the door behind him and staring up the engine, Garret sat for a moment and regained his composure. Through his windshield he could see Renee in the window of the coffee shop. Her head was down and he watched as she ran a self-conscious hand through her hair. He saw the girl from the counter approach the table and offer Renee a coffee. Garret turned away, he couldn't watch anymore. He had to put distance between himself and Renee, between himself and his son. He needed some perspective. He put the car in gear and drove. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't much care. He drove straight for miles and when the road could take him no further he turned left and drove as far as he could in that direction.


	6. Chapter Six

At two in the morning, Renee fumbled with the lock of her apartment door. She had stayed in the coffee shop until its closing at midnight and then spent the next two hours wandering the streets of Boston. Her feet were killing her, but that pain was numbed by the ache that penetrated her mind and tore at her heart. She had walked for blocks not caring that she was freezing or that there were men all over the city just waiting for their chance to becomeBoston's next headline murderer. She thought about Garret and where he had gone after he left her and what he had thought about. She thought about Jake and how much she wanted to stabilize his life. She thought about the last three years and how much she had grown in them. She had done alright for herself and now things were crashing down around her.

When she entered her apartment it was dark, save for the glow of small table lamp beside the sofa. In its soft light she saw a blond head resting on her couch's arm. Renee stepped out of her shoes and padded lightly across the cold wood floor. She sat in the small space made by the curve of Abby's body. She ran her hand over the girl's arm to wake her. Abby grunted in response.

"Hey," Renee whispered.

"Where's my Dad?" Abby mumbled.

"No idea," Renee admitted. With her eyes still shut Abby grunted and ever so slightly nodded her head as if she had known this would be the outcome of the night's events. "I'll dive you home in the morning," Renee sighed, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch and over the girl. She bent down and pushed the hair from Abby's head with her palm. She planted a kiss on her temple the way she would with Jake, "G'night, kiddo," Abby grunted once more in reply as Renee leaned over her and clicked the lamp off.

Renee made her way to her son in the dark. She had made the darkened trip from the living room to Jake's bed, so many times, that she no longer feared stubbing her toe or banging into a table. She had however stepped on many a Lego piece and more Hot Wheels cars than she cared to remember. She took each step tentatively, not only to avoid toys, but to calm herself down. Her heart was beating so fast in her chest that she feared its thump would wake her son. When she finally made it to Jake's room she was suddenly afraid. An enormous wave of guilt washed over her as she remembered all the times she had dodged his questions about his father. "I'm busy, hunny, ask me later," she'd said or changed the subject to the latest toy he'd been asking for. She leaned against the door frame and sighed, knowing that now that Garret knew the truth, Jake was next in line. She slid her back down the door frame and sat on the floor, watching her son sleep and wondering how she would finally tell him about his father.

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Garret woke up in his clothes from the night before. Wrinkled and exhausted, he pulled himself from his sofa where he had fallen earlier that morning. He glanced quickly at his watch and was silently grateful that it was Saturday and his day off. He had arrived home at nearly four in the morning, after driving for hours to try and clear his head. When he finally fell asleep his mind was just as fogged as it had been in the coffee shop. He had come to the conclusion that he couldn't sort out his feelings about this on his own. He had too many questions that needed answers. He wanted to see Jake again. He wanted to see what Renee saw. He wanted to see whatever it was that had convinced her that Jake was his son. And if he couldn't find it, he would turn to science, the one thing in his life that never let him down. Secretly, Garret knew that he would need forensic no test to prove Jake's paternity. Driving away from the coffee shop the night before Garret had looked into his rear view mirror at the spot where Jake had sat only a few days earlier. He had felt it then and he felt it now; a painful tightening of his stomach as if it were trying to tell him something his head had chosen to ignore.

After starting a pot of coffee, Garret pulled his telephone from its cradle and dialled a number he hadn't used in ages. Renee picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?" she barked as if she had been interrupted at the most inconvenient moment.

"Is Abby there?" he asked getting right to the point.

"No, I took her to Maggie's about an hour ago."

"Oh," Garret stopped, not sure of what else to say. There was a long silence before either spoke again.

"Is that all you wanted, Garret? Because I've got some work to do."

"Is what you said last night still true?" Renee scoffed at his ridiculousness.

"What? You think I've changed my story since then?"

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"No, Garret, it's true. You're his father," she assured him.

"Does he know?" Garret asked shyly, as if he were afraid of the answer.

"No."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I want you to be here when I do."

"I see," Garret said simply, not really sure how he felt about that situation.

"Why don't you come over for dinner?" Renee suggested, "We can tell him together." Garret swallowed hard and agreed. Hanging up the phone he sighed and tried to get his breathing back to a normal rhythm. His coffee had finished brewing, and he paced his apartment with a steaming mug of it, tormenting himself with thoughts of what the dinner hour had in store.


	7. Chapter Seven

The three of them sat down for supper, Garret and Reneesat on opposite sides of the table and Jake at the head. Renee took Jake's hand and told him in the simplest terms that Garret was indeed his father. Jake turned from Renee to Garret and let his eyes rest on his father for a long time. Renee wished she could know what her son was thinking and if he understood. The seconds ticked by and Renee's heart swelled in her chest as her son continued to stare in an eerie silence. Finally she reached out for his arm and asked him if he understood. Jake nodded his head gently and went back to his dinner. He picked at his pasta for a few minutes before he announced that he was finished. Renee told him he could leave the table and he scampered off to the living room. She listened for him playing in the living room and when she was sure that her son couldn't hear her, she finally let herself relax enough to talk to Garret.

"That went…okay," she said.

"Well what were you expecting?" Garret asked.

"I don't know," Renee said honestly. She looked down at her plate. She hadn't eaten anything. She had been too nervous to eat and now her appetite was gone completely. Glancing at Garret's plate, she noticed that he too, had barely touched his supper. "You done?" she asked, rising from her chair and collecting Jake's plate with her own.

"Yeah," Garret sighed, pushing his meal into the centre of the table.

Renee started in on the dishes right away. She wanted to talk to Jake, but she didn't know what to say. She instead decided to stay away rather than confuse or hurt him anymore. Garret came in the kitchen after her with the last of the dishes. He took a dish towel and waited to dry the clean plates and glasses. Standing beside him at the counter, her hands immersed in the warm, soapy water, Renee wondered if he could hear her conscience screaming at her, telling her she had done a horrible thing keeping Jake and Garret apart for all this time. They stood in the quiet for a long time before Garret finally cut through the tension.

"I want to help you," he said.

"Excuse me?" Renee said, surprised to hear his voice after such a long silence.

"You said you needed help," Garret explained, "and I want to help you. I want to help Jake."

"Okay," Renee smiled. She had hoped that this would be his response but had somehow doubted it would be.

"I was thinking," Garret continued quickly, "I am entitled to two days off a week. Until now, I haven't taken them as regularly as I should, but I can work it out with Jordan. I can take Thursdays and Fridays off and be with Jake and if I go in early, I can get off early enough to pick Jake up at daycare at four thirty on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and you don't work on the weekends so he'll just be in daycare for three days a week. What do you think?" Renee smiled at Garret's excitement.

"You've put a lot of thought into this," she said. He nodded yes and Renee bit her lip. "Okay," she nodded, "okay."

"Yeah?" Garret asked making sure she was comfortable with his plan.

"Yeah," Renee said with a reassuring smile. Garret turned away from her and went back to drying the dishes in front of him. Renee watched him for a second before speaking, a curious smile on her face. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead," Garret invited, still not looking at her.

"Are you mad?" Renee asked earnestly.

"What?" Garret asked, turning to her now and laughing slightly through his nose.

"At me I mean. Why aren't you angry with me?" Renee explained. "I kept him from you for three years and you are so clam and rational about all this. Honestly, I thought we would have a screaming match before we worked this out."

"I am angry Renee," Garret admitted quietly, "but this isn't about us anymore. It's about Jake. I missed three years. I'm not going to miss anymore just because I'm mad at you." Renee nodded her head. This rationality and reason was completely characteristic of Garret. She silently wondered why she should have expected anything else from him in this situation. Plunging hands back into the tepid water she smiled at the thought of Garret becoming a fixture in her life again.

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"Jordan!" Garret called to his friend the following morning. She burst into his office with a stack of files in her arms.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Shut the door," Garret instructed. Jordan did as she had been told and walked across the room to stand before her boss.

"What ever it is, I didn't do it," she said quickly.

"I know," Garret laughed, "sit down; I just want to talk to you."

"Okay," Jordan said, nodding slowly, noticing right away there was something on her friend's mind. He sat with is elbows resting on his desk, his hands resting under his chin, their fingers intertwined.

"I have a son," he said finally. Jordan let out a surprised laugh.

"What?"

"Renee's son, Jake, he's my kid." Jordan stared wide-eyed at her employer.

"No way," she said, "when did that happen?"

"Well, three years ago, but I just found out a few days ago."

"Wow, Garret. That's big news. Congratulations…I think." Garret laughed as his friend searched for the right words. "Does he know?" she asked. Garret nodded yes. "And what about Abby?"

"I told her this morning," Garret explained, "She's excited about having a new kid brother. She's been babysitting him forever, so it's not a huge adjustment for her. She's mad at Renee though for keeping it from us."

"I'd be pissed too," Jordan said bluntly.

"I can't afford to be angry" Garret said, "I want to spend time with him, you know?" Jordan, nodded in understanding. "That's why I called you in here. Starting this week I want to take Thursdays and Fridays off to be with Jake. That means you need to be here on those days." Jordan nodded again and let Garret explain the rest of his new scheduling proposal. As Garret knew she would, she agreed to his new timetable. After Jordan had left his office, Garret sighed to himself. Tomorrow was his big day. Tomorrow was Monday and at four-thirty, as promised, he would pick up his son from daycare. He was excited and nervous all at the same time. As he pored over autopsy reports that afternoon, Garret found himself lost in thoughts if his second chance to be a father. And although he would never admit it to her, let alone himself, he was excited to have Renee in his life again.


	8. Chapter Eight

The minute Renee stepped into her apartment she kicked her shoes off her aching feet. At the sound of them crashing to the floor, Jake knew almost instinctively that his mother was home. He charged from the living room to the front door and jumped into Renee's open arms. She scooped him up and pressed a kiss against his cheek. Letting him rest upon her hip, his arms wrapped around her neck, she carried him into the kitchen. He filled her in on the events of the day as they walked.

"Where's your dad?" Renee asked when Jake finally stopped talking. Jake pointed shyly towards the living room. She glanced in the direction Jake instructed and found Garret entering the kitchen. Jake saw him too and wiggled in his mother's arms. She put him on the ground and he took off running into the next room. Renee saw Garret smile sheepishly as the boy passed him on his way.

"Hey," she said, recognizing instantly that Jake had been less than welcoming towards his father today. "How'd it go?" she asked, as she flipped through the mail on the counter.

"I don't know," Garret admitted quietly, standing at the counter beside her now. "He was quiet. It'll take him a while to get used to me, I guess." Renee nodded and turned to Garret. She took inventory of the hurt that was written on his face and placed a reassuring hand on his forearm.

"Don't worry," she said, "give him couple days and he'll be fine."

"You think he'll remember?" Garret asked suddenly.

"Remember what?"

"That I wasn't here for those first three years." Renee sighed. It was her fault that he wasn't there and it pained her to think about it.

"He'll remember that you're here now," she said honestly. Garret shrugged his shoulders and smiled half-heartedly.

"I better go," he announced, heading for the door. Renee followed him through the hall. "See ya tomorrow, Renee," he said before calling goodbye to his son. Jake didn't answer. Renee watched as Garret's face fell once more. Shutting the door behind him Renee wondered how much longer she could take seeing that hurt in his eyes. The fact that all that pain had started with her was almost more that she could take.

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The following day when Garret picked his son up from daycare, Jake greeted him with a smile. It warmed Garret's heart to see the boy try to bridge the gap between them. The next day Jake had jabbered about his day the entire way home. The day after that, Jake hugged his father before he left for home. Garret couldn't be happier. Jake was warming up to him faster than he had ever expected. His plan for Jake's care was working out well. He loved to spend time with the boy but it grated on him that he couldn't be with him all the time.

In the next weeks, Garret stayed later and later at Renee's apartment after she had come home from work. Increasingly she asked him to stay for dinner, and at Jake's instance he stayed. Night after night he and Renee talked and laughed over meals and then retired to the sofa and Jake played at their feet. By all appearances, they were a regular family. But still, every night, after they had put Jake to bed, Garret headed for home. Habitually, Renee followed him to the door and bade him goodnight. Lately he had taken to kissing her cheek before he made his exit. He couldn't remember exactly when he had started doing it or precisely why, but it had nonetheless, become another part of their routine.

Naturally the morgue's rumour mill was pumping out story after story about what was going on between Garret and Renee. Garret had caught wind of a few of the stories and none of them painted Renee in a particularly pleasant light. Dr. Stiles too, had heard the news and wondered up into Garret's office for a chat. Annoyed that his present situation was attracting so much attention, Garret had snapped at Howard. He protested that all he wanted to do was be with his son. He argued that was no reason to be visited by the morgue's resident psychologist. He was fine with the situation; it was everyone else that was having a hard time accepting it. When Garret finished his tirade, he looked out the window and noticed his staff huddled around each other, pretending not to be listening to him. He flung open his door and barked orders at each of them. After that the gossip slowed and finally stopped.

Even Abby was starting to come around. Jake knew now that Abby was his sister and was asking after her more and more. She had joined her father and her brother on a few outings on the days Garret had Jake all day long, but had still to talk to Renee since Jake's paternity had been revealed. Garret hated that these two parts of his life couldn't harmonize. He knew Renee missed Abby. She had tried to call his daughter and set things straight. He too had tried to talk to her about the situation. Abby told him that she couldn't understand why Renee didn't tell him and why he wasn't as angry as she was. He'd explained to her on countless occasions that any anger he still felt about the situation had to be swept under the rug. He couldn't let it get in his way and she shouldn't ether. After weeks of trying to settle things, Garret finally convinced his daughter, to come for dinner one Tuesday in December.

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Renee was home late that night and when she didn't hear Jake run after she kicked her shoes she felt guilty for not being home before his bedtime. As the door clicked shut, Garret called to her from the living room. Renee sighed deeply and followed his voice. When she reached the doorway of the living room it erupted with sound.

"Surprise!" Jake shouted with is father. Renee smiled as she took in the room. It wasn't an elaborate party, just a cake with four glowing candles; no guests, just Jake and Garret and as Renee looked passed them she saw Abby sitting on the couch behind her father. Renee's heart swelled in her chest as she pushed past Garret and wrapped Abby in her arms. She told her over and over again how sorry she was and Abby assured her it was okay, that it was in the past.

"Mom, blow out your candles!" Jake yelled suddenly. Renee turned to her son.

"Okay, okay," she laughed, seeing Jake hover over her cake.

"You hafta make a wish," Jake protested. Renee stared at the glowing flames atop her cake for a moment and tired to think of something she wanted. She couldn't think of a thing. Everything she wanted and everything she loved was already surrounding her. She couldn't ask for anything more. She smiled, bowed her head and blew out her candles.

They spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing and eating cake. Jake was excited to have his family all in one place and after he had eaten a piece of cake that was far too big for such a small child, he could hardly sit still. When Jake finally started to settle down Garret gathered him in his arms and slung him over his shoulder. Jake squealed in laughter and swatted at his father's back to get Garret to put him down. He knew where his father was taking him and he wasn't going without a fight.

"Bed time," Garret announced.

"Two more minutes?" Jake whined.

"Say good night to your sister," Garret instructed. Jake lifted his head from where it hung against Garret's back.

"G'night Abby," he groaned.

"G'night Jakey," Abby called back.

"And your mum," Garret pushed.

"Night mom,"

"I'll be in a minute," Renee assured him. Renee smiled as she watched them head off to Jake's room. She sighed as a wave of contentment washed over her. For the first time in a long time, she was happy.


	9. Chapter Nine

After Renee's birthday, things slipped back into their usual routine. Now that Renee and Abby were on speaking terms again Abby came by on Sunday afternoons to hang out with her brother while Renee picked up groceries. Things were working out well and for Garret things couldn't be better. But still, sometimes when he lay awake at some ungodly hour of the morning he thought of the woman that had last lain there with him. He wondered, time and time again, if things could ever go back to the way they were between him and Renee.

For the last six months he had seen her almost everyday, and not only on personal terms. Their professional lives were again becoming intertwined. On more than one occasion she had stormed into his office and given him a verbal lashing for not being quick enough with the forensic information she needed, or for letting his staff interfere with her cases. As always, they were in constant conflict when it came to issues of a professional nature. But all that was left behind when Garret and Renee were together in a more informal setting. As Garret spent more and more time with Renee he was increasingly amazed with the changes he saw in her. She had softened incredibly in the last three years. Naturally she was still tough as nails as an attorney, but Garret could see that in becoming a mother Renee had allowed herself to be warm and compassionate. Two qualities he had rarely seen in her three years ago. And it was this change that provided Garret the motivation to slide a white envelope to her across the dinner table one night after the dishes had been cleared and Jake had gone to play.

"What's this?" Renee asked, turning it over and reading the address aloud, "Garret Macy and guest…Wedding invitation?" she guessed, sliding a card from the envelope. Garret watched her as she read the invitation. When she finished she looked up at him with wide eyes. "Woody and Jordan?" she said, "they're really gunna do it huh?"

"They already did," Garret said.

"What?"

"Last weekend in Vegas."

"No kidding," Renee laughed, "then why are you showing me this?" she asked indicating the invitation.

"Well, since they didn't have a proper wedding, Max is throwing them a party at the Pouge," Garret explained.

"Let me guess," Renee said, holding the envelope's inscription to face him, "you want me to be your guest?"

"Got it in one," Garret laughed, "it's Saturday at seven. I'll pick you up."

"Hang on, cowboy," Renee said, "why would I want to go to a party full of people who don't like me" Renee protested.

"Renee, nobody likes you," Garret joked.

"Wow," Renee laughed, "That sensitivity training really paid off."

"Well I like you, what more could you ask for?" Garret smiled as she glared across the table, "c'mon, you don't want me to be the only guy without a date do you?"

"You're going to Max Cavanaugh's bar, not your senior prom. No one's going to care if you have a date or not. Besides, I'm sure there are plenty of girls that would just love to be your date."

"Oh there are," Garret joked, "but I don't want go with any of them." Garret stared hard at Renee, willing her to change her mind. She was no stranger to his stare down tactics. She looked right into his eyes and pressed her mouth into a harsh line. Garret watched as the corners of her mouth turned upwards the longer she stared. Finally her smile cracked across her entire face and she burst out laughing.

"Fine," she sighed dramatically, shaking her head and pushing her chair away from the table, "but you owe me one."

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As promised, Garret arrived at Renee's promptly at seven with his daughter in tow. Renee, unsurprisingly, wasn't ready. From her post in front the bathroom mirror she could hear Jake trying to teach Abby how to build the perfect castle out of Lego blocks and Garret flipping through the channels on the television as he waited. Just as she slid her second earring into place, she heard Garret holler her name from down the hall.

"I'm coming!" she yelled back, silently cursing him for being so impatient. Her shoes clicked hard against the floor as she hurried toward the living room. "Alright, let's get this over with," she sighed when she got there. Garret pulled himself from the sofa and Renee looked him up and down. "Did you dress yourself tonight?" she asked

"Excuse me?" Garret said with a crooked smile. Renee looked down to where Abby and Jake were playing on the floor.

"Did you tell him to wear that?" she asked the girl. Abby nodded yes. "Good choice," Renee smiled.

"Alright, alright," Garret groaned, "let's just go." He turned and went to the hall closet. Renee followed after kissing her son and instructing Abby on when Jake was to go to bed. When she got to the front door, Garret was standing with her coat held open for her. She smiled and stepped into it, all the while thinking how happy she was to be Garret Macy's date.

Later, in Garret's car on the way to the Pouge, Renee turned and looked at Garret beside her. When turned to her, she quickly focused her attention out the window, scolding her self for acting like love struck teenager. When she did it again, Garret laughed and held his hand to the side of his face.

"Did I cut myself shaving or something?" he asked

"No," Renee said, looking straight ahead.

"Then what are you looking at?" Renee laughed and shook her head.

"Nothing," she said, "it's nothing"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Renee assured him. Garret looked at her and gave her a sly smile.

"You look good, Renee," he said. Renee fixed him with playful scowl.

"Just drive Macy," she said shaking her head and turning back to the window beside her.

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Garret parked his car behind the Pouge and he and Renee walked side by side around to the front. He sensed that she was nervous about fraternizing with people she truly didn't get along with, but there was something else about her demeanour tonight. He couldn't quite name it, only wished that he could see it in her more often. When she had presented herself that evening he had been dumbfounded by how she looked. Her hair fell down around her shoulders in the way that he had always liked and her dress hugged her in all the right places. He was certain he had seen the dress before, but there something about it that had changed. As they rounded the corner of the Pouge and stood at its entrance, Renee reached for Garret's hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Don't leave me alone in there, okay?" she said, her eyes silently pleading with him. Garret's smile and assured her he wouldn't. It was in that moment he realized that the dress hadn't changed, only the woman inside it. She was letting herself be vulnerable in a way he had never seen. She was asking for his help and protection. Three years ago this type of behaviour would have been in complete contradiction of Renee's personality. Realizing this, Garret silently wondered if perhaps there was a chance for him and Renee to salvage their relationship on a romantic level. In the past they had both been too strong willed and stubborn to make a go of things, but things were different now.

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Garret did exactly what she'd asked of him. He'd stayed at her side the entire night. They'd mingled with the cops and coroners and for a moment, Renee felt as if she and Garret were a couple again. As the party wound down, Garret, with Renee in tow found Jordan and announced that they were leaving. And to Renee's surprise, Jordan, her ever challenging rival, thanked her for coming and admitted that it was good to see her. Renee smiled; glad that Garret's proclamation that everyone hated her was untrue. Garret gathered her jacket with his and placed his hand on the small of her back he ushered her out the door. Renee bit her lip as familiar butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

They arrived at her apartment after a short and uncomfortably silent car ride. Standing in the hallway, pushing down butterflies and for the second time that night, feeling like a love struck school girl, Renee turned to Garret before putting her key in the door.

"I had a really good time tonight," she said earnestly. Garret took a step closer to her, almost cornering her against the door.

"Good," Garret nodded, stepping closer to her still. Renee looked straight into his eyes and knew exactly what was coming. Ever so gently he slid his hand across her face and brought it to his. Renee's heart jumped in her chest at his touch, but she left herself be led to his mouth. The moment his lips touched hers, Renee closed her eyes and she was lost. She let him pull her tight into him, finding comfort in the familiarity of his arms, his mouth.

How long they stayed wrapped in each other, Renee had no idea, but when she finally pulled away from him, she noticed immediately that the butterflies were gone. They had been replaced by sinking feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. A feeling Renee recognized, all too vividly, as fear. It was the same fear she felt three years ago standing in Garret's office, telling him the biggest lie of her life. She pulled free of his grasp, her fingers pressed against her lips as if they could seal his kiss there forever.

"We probably shouldn't do this," she said in a voice just short of a whisper. Garret's chocolate eyes stayed fixed on her. He nodded slowly and gave her a sad smile, as if he had known all along that this where they would end up. Renee turned from him, afraid of what he might say if she stayed with him in the hallway a moment longer. She turned her key in the lock and opened the door.

"Renee," Garret said suddenly. Startled, Renee turned back to him. He took a moment before he continued, as if he were rehearsing what he were about to say. He shuffled his feet and glanced at the floor. "Um, just, uh, just tell Abby I'm waiting for her in the car," he said finally. With that, Garret left her on the threshold, her heart beating wildly in her chest as it screamed for her to call him back. But as always, Renee let her conscience win. She sighed deeply and entered her dark apartment.


	10. Chapter Ten

Garret drove Abby to Maggie's house. He waited in his car until she was inside and then started home. He entered his apartment and made his way to his bedroom in the dark. He lay on his back; one arm tucked behind his head and listened as a fire truck headed off to some nameless tragedy. When the noise faded, Garret sighed, suddenly wishing for the company of the wailing siren. The silence closed in on him and never before had he felt more alone.

The next day he went to work, content to follow his routine and keep his mind off what had happened the night before. He busied himself with paperwork until he was completely caught up and then signed up for the first autopsy that needing doing. He was half way through when Nigel came in to lend a hand.

"Hey Dr. M," Nigel said, in his usual chipper tone, "How's it going?"

"Fine," Garret said flatly.

"Smashing party last night, huh?"

"Yeah,"

"You and our lady DA friend were awfully cosy," Nigel smiled.

"Excuse me?" Garret asked, sensing the hostility in his own voice.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Nigel stammered, "I was just, it's nothing,"

"You want to leave my personal life, out of the office please, Nigel" he snapped.

"Yeah, sure, sorry, Dr. Macy," Nigel said quietly, nervously diverting his gaze form his employer. Garret backed away from the corpse in front of him. His head was spinning. He was in no state to be working on a human being, dead or alive. He snapped his gloves from his hands and hurled them in the direction of the nearest garbage can.

"I'll send Bug in to finish," he said gruffly, before heading back to his office.

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Before going home on Monday night Renee had made the decision to pretend that Saturday's late night kiss on her doorstep had never happened. The whole thing was more than she could take. Although she hated to admit it, she was petrified to give herself up to Garret again. Three years ago, things had been different. She could afford to be reckless with her heart. But now, every decision she made, she made with thoughts of Jake in the back of her mind. She and Garret hadn't been able to make their relationship work in the past and she worried that they wouldn't be able to now. And if they couldn't make it work, what would that mean for Jake?

All this was swirling around in Renee's mind as she opened her door on Monday night. She took a deep breath and kicked off her shoes. Like always, Jake came charging for her. That night, Garret stayed for dinner and the two of them talked uncomfortably. To Renee, it seemed that every silence needed to be filled, so she talked about the weather, her upcoming case, the new toy Jake wanted, and anything she could think of in order to avoid what was really on her mind. When Garret was finallygone for the night, Renee let herself relax, glad thathe too, had decided to ignore what happened.

After the initial uncomfortable Monday, Renee, Garret and Jake resumed their usual routine. Renee threw her self into her work, and kept a one hundred percent conviction rate for an entire month. Every night she went home to her unconventional family, forcing herself to keep her distance from Garret emotionally. She didn't want to give him the impression that she was interested in igniting their old flame, even though that was all she had wanted since they had parted more than three years before. She had convinced herself that a romantic relationship between them would be utterly impossible. She had yet to divine a concrete reason why such a relationship could not work, but nonetheless avoided any mention of it. When she had finally convinced herself that her only role in Garret's life would be as the mother of his son, she gave into a persistent fellow attorney who had been after her for a date for months.

Naturally, on the night of her date, Renee was late getting home from work. She barrelled through the door, not waiting for Jake to greet her before she moved towards the bathroom. She stood before the mirror, quickly evaluating herself and deciding what changes needed to be made to her attire before her evening out. Jake was suddenly at her side.

"Hi Mom," he said causally, looking at her in the mirror.

"Hi pal," Renee said, reaching down and ruffling his hair, "did your dad give you your dinner?"

"Yeah,"

"What'd you have?"

"Pizza," Jake sighed, "Where are you going?" he asked suddenly.

"Out," Renee said simply, "I told you yesterday, I'm going for dinner with a friend."

"Can I come?" Jake asked with hopeful exuberance. Renee knelt before him and reasoned with him.

"Who's going to keep your dad company if you come with me?" Jake gave her a sad smile and relented.

"Fine," he sighed. Suddenly his expression changed and he charged out of the bathroom as the starting theme from Sponge Bob Square Pants sounded from the living room.

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Garret finished the dishes and wandered out of the kitchen. As he made his way towards the living room he was suddenly aware of how comfortable he felt. This apartment wasn't his but it felt more like home than his own ever had. Since Jake and Renee had re-entered his life, sleeping was the only thing he did there. When he wasn't at the morgue he was here with Jake and Renee. His family. He smiled to himself. This was not how he had expected his life to turn out. After he had finished with Renee all those years ago he hadn't really expected to be happy. He thought perhaps his chances at happiness had run out. But as he sat down next to his son on the sofa he realized they hadn't. He was happy now. He was happy with what he had and happy with who he was. But still Garret felt like there was something missing. He felt it when he was at his own apartment. He felt it when he was alone, an aching emptiness for which he knew only one cure.

"Where's your mom?" Garret asked his son. Jake didn't take his eyes from the television, just pointed towards his mother's room. Garret pulled himself from the sofa and headed in the direction Jake instructed. Reaching Renee's door he pushed it open without knocking and was surprised to find her half dressed before a full length mirror. She turned to him with a gasp of surprise. Garret immediately diverted his eyes.

"You don't knock anymore?" she asked jokingly as she wrapped a blouse around herself and went to work on its buttons.

"Sorry," Garret said with sheepish smile.

"Don't worry about it," Renee laughed, "it's nothing you haven't seen before." Garret blushed and hoped Renee couldn't see the colour in his cheeks.

"Where are you going?" Garret asked casually as she flipped her hair out from where it was tucked inside her shirt. Renee sighed dramatically.

"I told you last week. I'm going out with Tom Spencer."

"Tom Spencer?" Garret asked with surprise in his voice, "What do you want to go out with Tom Spencer for? He's an idiot." Garret moved across Renee's room and perched himself on the edge of her bed. She had buried herself in her closet, searching for the right pair of shoes, but he could still hear her muffled explanation.

"He's not an idiot, you're an idiot," she called, "and I'm going out with him because he's asked me and because he's a nice guy." She emerged from the closet and slipped a pair of black pumps onto her feet before heading to the bathroom. "And," she said over her shoulder, "let's be realistic for a moment here, okay? I haven't been on a date for more than three years. I think I'm about due."

"Yeah, but Tom Spencer?" Garret argued, "C'mon, you can do so much better than that." Renee sighed deeply as she hurried out of the bathroom, pushing an earring into place.

"Shut up," she ordered, "I'm not having this conversation with you, okay? What do you care anyways?" she asked making her way towards him. She stopped a few feet short of where he sat. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous."

"I am," Garret admitted quietly, "you should be going out with me tonight, not him." Renee rolled her eyes and lifted her head to the ceiling.

"Shut up," she said again, "I can't do this with you." Garret noticed right away how she gripped her hands and twisted them together in nervousness. "I'm going out with Tom Spencer and that's it. Me and you are-" she started, clearly unsure how to finish. Garret met her gaze as she moved it from the textured ceiling, "well, I don't know what we are, but what we have works. And that's the way it's going to stay." Finally she dropped her hands to her sides, "Now," she said, changing the subject, "how do I look?" Garret looked her up and down, taking in every inch of her. She tapped her foot, anxious for his response.

"Amazing," he smiled. Renee rolled her eyes and laughed, reaching for her purse.

"Shut up," she laughed. Garret held his arms out in mock surrender.

"What? You asked!" he protested, "What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me you're not mad because I'm going out with Tom Spencer," Renee said, turning from him and leaving the room. Garret followed close behind.

"I'm not mad," he said honestly.

"Liar," Renee said with a coy smile.

"I can't win with you," Garret laughed as they entered the living room.

"That's the most intelligent thing you've said all day," Renee joked, bending before her son and kissing his cheek. Garret watched as she collected her keys from the dish by the door and reached for the knob. She stopped before she exited and Garret noticed the steep rise and fall of her shoulder as she took a long, slow breath. It was at that moment that Garret realized that he might still have chance to fill the empty space she had left in his heart three years ago.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Renee got home late and, knowing her son and his father would be asleep, she tip toed through her home. The television droned in the distance and she followed its sound into the darkened living room and smiled at the sight laid before her. Garret was sleeping soundly on the far side of the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, his socked feet balanced securely on the coffee table. Jake had curled up in his lap, his head pressed against his father's chest as if he were listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. Garret's arm was wrapped protectively around the boy and Renee hated to separate them. She slowly crossed the room and took Jake from Garret's grasp. As he had expected, neither father nor son woke up.

After laying Jake in his bed, beneath his Spiderman blanket, she headed for the bathroom. Standing before the mirror, she massaged her fingers through her hair and sighed deeply. As she stared at her reflection she took in every line of her face. Her date with Tom Spencer made her feel old. It reminded her that she wasn't in her thirties anymore and couldn't afford to fool around with her feelings. It reminded her of the lies she had been telling herself. But mostly, Tom Spencer had reminded her of where wanted to be. With a sad smile, she peeled her clothes from her tired body and climbed into the shower. She turned the shower head to its most violent position and turned the water up as hot as she could stand it. She stood with her back to the spray, letting it slap against her as if it were punishment for every mistake she had ever made.

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Garret woke at the sound water beating against the wall of the shower. It took him a moment to realize where he was and another to pull himself from the couch. Moving towards the kitchen and glancing at his watch, Garret was surprised by how late it was. But still, he felt no urge to go home. He started a pot of coffee and watched the slow drip of the machine until it was finished. He poured himself a cup and listened for the sound of the shower. It was still running and Garret wondered what was taking her so long. He crossed back through the living room and clicked off the television set. With nothing else to do but wait for Renee to finish in the shower, he quietly made his way to her bedroom. Coffee in hand he planted him self in the sagging leather armchair beside the window. As he looked out onto the smoky, jazz cluttered skyline he rehearsed in his head everything he wanted to say to Renee before he left for the night.

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Renee stepped out of the shower refreshed and certain of what she needed to do. After quickly drying herself, she wrapped her towel around her slender frame and padded into her dark bedroom. She let out a startled gasp when she noticed the figure sitting in her chair. She pressed her had to her chest, trying to slow it down as she realized who as there.

"Sorry," Garret said, turning to her.

"You scared the crap out of me," she whispered. She swatted him playfully as she passed.

"How was your hot date?" Garret asked jokingly as he watched her pull her pyjama's from her dresser.

"Not so hot," Renee confessed. She turned to him and raised her eyebrows slightly. Knowing right away what her eyebrows meant, Garret turned his attention back to the window as she dressed.

"What happened?" he pried.

"Turns out you're right," Renee said, pulling a T-shirt over her head, "Tom Spencer is an idiot." She crossed the room to where he sat, tying the drawstring of her pants as she walked.

"I told you," Garret laughed. Renee perched herself on the window sill beside him and reached for the mug in his hand. He didn't protest, just smiled as her fingers brushed against his. He watched as she drank, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"Ew," she said, turning up her nose in disgust, "you put sugar in this?" Garret said nothing, only laughed as she took another sip and handed the mug back to him. "Gross."

The pair sat in silence for a long moment. The lights of the city had captured Renee's full attention and she was grateful that she could sit with Garret and not have to fill the silence with meaningless conversation. She was comfortable just being in his presence, just knowing he was there. But as Renee continued to contemplate the silence, Garret broke it with his quiet, yet deep and resonating voice.

"Did I ever tell you that I love you?" he asked suddenly. Renee's breath caught in her throat. She turned to him and gave him a surprised stare. She shook her head almost unnoticeably and Garret continued. "I should have. I should have told you every day that I loved you. Because it's true, I love you. I've loved you from the first time you set foot in my office."

Renee nodded slowly, taking in everything he'd said. Somewhere in the outermost recesses of her mind she'd known along that he had felt this way. No one cared for her the way he did and, as much as she had tried to deny it, she knew that the spring in his step the last few months was because of her. She turned back to the window, but now saw none of the lights. Her stomach had tightened and her mind had frozen as she searched for the right words. After what seemed like an eternity, with her gaze still fixed out the window, she finally spoke.

"I had two drinks with Tom Spencer tonight," she started, "then told him I wasn't feeling well and I left. And I started walking. I didn't care where, I just walked. And before I knew it I was here. Its funny how your feet always do take you home." She laughed lightly, remembering the old proverb. "When I got here, I sat outside on the steps for a long time. Partly because I didn't want you to know that my date had been a disaster, but mostly because I was scared." Renee stared down at her lap, unable to look Garret in the eye after admitting for the first time in her life that she was scared.

Garret sighed and rose from the chair. Slowly and quietly, he moved to the window and stood beside Renee. With one finger under her chin, he made her look at him. Letting himself drown in the crystal blue of her eyes, her told her again that he loved her. She breathed deep and again, turned away from him.

"That's what I was afraid of," she said almost inaudibly. Not knowing what else he could say, Garret took her trembling hand in his own and sat on the window sill next to her. He knew if he gave her enough time, she'd explain just what she meant.

"I thought," she started after a few minutes, "I thought that I could convince myself that I didn't want you. I convinced myself that you and I could never make things work," she said, her eyes brimming with emotion. "And I was determined to get out of this apartment and get away from you and the way you make me feel. But," she stopped for a moment and tried to hold back her tears, but she was useless to stop them. Garret squeezed her hand and she continued. "But, sitting on those steps tonight, I realized that here with you is the only place I want to be." When she finished, she finally summoned the courage to look at him.

Garret shook his head slowly as she gave him a sad smile. He took her face in his hands and wiped the last few tears from her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her with all the passion he had held back for the last three years. She reciprocated with an urgency Garret hardly recognized. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close to him as he could, secretly wishing that he never had to let go.

When finally they broke apart, their lips bruised and their bodies breathless, Garret again found himself sinking deeper into the blue of her eyes. Looking, away, Renee pressed her hand to his chest and breathed an airy laugh through her nose. After a moment she rose from the window sill and stood before him. Still smiling, she bent and pressed a lingering kiss on his forehead.

"I love you," she whispered before turning and crossing the room to her bed. Garret smiled, watching her turn down the covers on both sides, as the three words he had longed to hear more than any others echoed in his mind and found purchase in his heart.

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**Author's Note 3**: This is the first FanFic I've ever posted, so it means a lot that you all have taken the time to read and review it. Thank you, to all of you. xo xo

Special thanks to AK…who helped me share ;)


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